Troll in the Bullpen

Author: PNZ
Fandom: NCIS
Pairings: None (Gen)
Warnings: Character bashings
Timeline: Season 3
Summary: Tony takes his suspicions regarding their newest team to HR. Honestly, how long was he supposed to put up with her BS? And how long did she expect them to fall for her charade?

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Tony gave it two weeks before he stopped correcting the parasite that had infested his team. Officer Ziva David would receive no more ‘help’ from him from this point forward. He listened as she mangled yet another idiom as he walked away, heading towards the back offices–and then Ziva actually paused as if waiting for someone to correct her.

Two weeks. Two grueling weeks of listening to that interloper mangle the English language–purposefully mangle the English language–while simultaneously taking digs at him. Digs at his integrity, his professionalism, his qualifications. As if she knew anything about them or him. Did she think he had forgotten who was responsible for the death of the woman who used to sit in her chair?

Rick Balboa was suddenly on his left, turning the corner to the side hallway that led to HR and also, helpfully, out of sight from his team. “Noticed something different today in your section of the bullpen, Agent DiNozzo. Want to share with the class?”

Tony quirked his lips and cocked his head to the right, slowing his pace a bit. “Can’t imagine what you might mean, Agent Balboa.”

“Um-huh. Can’t imagine my ass. What’s with the formality?”

“I imagine your ass just fine, buddy.” Tony leered playfull as they neared his target. Delores Bromstead was waiting right outside, as if she had read his mind and intentions. “And you started it. But listen, I have to take this meeting. Why don’t we meet up for drinks later, and maybe share some thoughts. On all sorts of topics.”

Balboa stared at Tony, joking demeanor gone, and nodded his ascent. “Mayhaps a few others might like to share some thoughts on all sorts of topics as well.”

“Hmm,” was all Tony replied as he flipped a half-assed salute and joined Delores in her office. He continued to hold his silence until Delores indicated that all surveillance within her domain was under her control–something he had helped set up with Internal Affairs after one too many co-opts, so to speak, of a goth-entailed employee. Everyone knew that she was obsessed with her Silver Fox, and that heaven forbid someone say a word against him. Tony had found–once rumors had gone ‘round, of course–that Abby had flagged any reports that spoke ill of her hero. Tony was also sure that by now there were flags on everyone’s names from the MCRT and any adjacent members as well. Not that she had asked permission.

Delores had come to Tony, asked if he knew what was happening and then roped him into assisting her in making her system, and thereby her department as well, safe again. Internal Affairs, in conjunction with Cyber, had figured out a system that kept copies of all the reports coming through on a separate server. The main server tracked–subtly, of course–every movement Abby made. When IA finally came down on her, they would have an immense pile of proof to show her. 

After signaling that everything was set, Delores made a motion for Tony to begin. 

“Right, sorry about doing things this way, Delores, but I couldn’t risk having Abby tip either Ziva, Gibbs, or the Director off.”

“That’s quite the list there, Agent DiNozzo. Care to elaborate?” Delores put a legal pad in front of her and started writing. 

“I would love to elaborate. Here’s the barebones of it, and then we can review so you can ask what questions you’d like. Ziva David, an officer of the Israeli Mossad, has been forced onto the MCRT following the death of Agent Catherine Todd. Officer David is the daughter of the current head of the Mossad, as well as the half sister of the man responsible for the death of Agent Todd. She is also the officer who profiled our entire team for said man, and the one who killed Ari Haswari–despite what it says in the report.

“In the last two weeks she has demonstrated no knowledge of how we operate, and has also admitted to having no investigative experience. She has not been through FLETC. 

“And yet–” Tony took a deep breath, calming himself before the anger took over again. “And yet she has a suspicious amount of access in the system. I have attempted to bring this up with both the director and with Gibbs. I have been smacked down both times.” Tony placed a USB on the desk. “Here are copies of the emails in which I asked about it, just in case they have already disappeared from the system.”

Delores finished writing her notes before looking up at the clearly distraught man before her. “Let’s start at the top. Were you aware of Officer David before she was placed on your team?”

“Yes, we were introduced when we were chasing Haswari.”

“And since you’ve met, how has Officer David acted? Is she a competent agent? In your estimation as a Senior Field Agent.”

Tony sat back and gathered his thoughts. “No, she is not. Officer David is impulsive, and refuses to obey any order not given by Agent Gibbs. This is a problem, one he seems to be encouraging. Her profile–and I use that term loosely here–of me seems to have pinned me as a joke. A skirt chaser that has been promoted out of circumstance rather than merit. She has quickly gotten Agent McGee and Abby on her side in this as well with use of gossip and backtalk. 

“In the field it has been shown that she has no concept of what is and is not legal in this country. I am aware of how things are done in Israel. I know that she has done her service in the army there before moving on to Mossad. So one of two things must be happening.”

“Elaborate,” Delores said. 

“One, she is trolling us all so very hard. I have a friend who joined the NYPD that served in the Israeli Army, the Paratrooper division. It doesn’t matter your gender, you don’t get out of there without understanding the chain of command. Not to mention her driving. I know the joke about bad drivers from over there, but she takes it to a whole new level. Then, there is her language issues. If she had such trouble with the English language, I can’t imagine they would let her be anyone’s handler in an English speaking country, nevermind take such a position as she now holds. Also, if you were having problems with idioms, then prepositions and subject-verb agreement issues would follow, don’t you think? To be any sort of use as a spy, your language skills need to be flawless.”

“And Officer David doesn’t have these issues?”

“Officer David seems to only have problems with idioms, and usually to demean something about the United States. Or me, specifically.” 

“And the other option?” Delores asked after pondering all of that. 

“If she isn’t being the trolliest troll to ever troll, then her father bought her way with favors through the army and Mossad, which is somewhat hard to fathom. I know they take pride in their service there, just like we do here. It’s a people’s army. Regardless, she still shouldn’t be on the MCRT, as the director should have done a background check, looked at references. We’re supposed to be handling extreme cases–high profile cases. This woman comes in and touches any piece of evidence–it could get the whole thing thrown out. I’m pretty sure she’s not allowed to testify.”

Tony took a deep breath and let it out before stating his next thought. “Honestly, I can’t imagine Israel supporting this in the least. I’m worried we’re being set–we’re both being set up for something–and I want to get ahead of it.”

Delores Bromstead stared at her favorite agent for a few minutes, digesting what he’d told her. She took a deep breath and then started writing again. “Okay, let’s move on to the next point.”

~~~

Tony strolled through the front door of Billie’s, somewhat anxious about how the meeting would go. Ever since Kate had joined the team, he knew his reputation had taken a bit of a hit. 

This was the perfect place for the meeting, and Tony was happy that Rick agreed to it. Billie’s was a classic jazz bar, not a cop hangout. If anyone else from work walked in, they would immediately be spotted. As a precaution, Delores and IA had equipped Tony with a burner phone and forwarded his current phone to the burner. Said original phone was sitting in his apartment. McGee and Abby’s penchant for pinging phones was well known by now. 

Rick was sitting in the back booth along with five other supervisory special agents and a couple of senior field agents from the Navy Yard. Tony stopped at the bar to order a drink to be brought to the table and went over to join them. 

“Well, hello everyone. This is quite the party.”

Rick gave a sheepish grin and waved at the small crowd. “We all wanted to know what was going on, and also if we could help. You know we have your back, right?”

“Ah, yeah, funny you should say that.” Everyone tensed up a bit. “There is something you can help with if you are all willing, but it will take a bit of explaining.” Tony paused when the waiter came over with his drink and for everyone to put in an order for some snacks. 

“You know all those write-ups that seemed to go nowhere? That was due to Sciuto interfering.” Tony proceeded to explain what the resident goth had done, was still doing, and what IA and HR were hoping to do to stop it. “We–HR, IA, and I–were hoping you had copies of your complaints and wouldn’t mind printing them out and giving them to Delores. We’re not sure what got wiped before the new system was put in place and what wasn’t.”

“You do know some of those complaints were about Todd, right?” Jimmy Zedner asked quietly. He put his hand up as if trying not to offend.

Tony waved him off. “Look, am I still mourning the loss of my partner? Yes. Obviously. Was I blind–am I blind–to her faults? No. Kate had issues–she was still really green when it came to being an investigator, and Gibbs was not helping with his whole ‘ignore the chain-of-command’ thing. And yes, I know some of them will be about the Elf Lord and Sciuto herself.”

Everyone muttered about for a few minutes, some in relief, some in disbelief. 

“I want to know about the language thing today, though. Our resident interloper seemed like she was trying to set up a joke and you weren’t playing along,” Rick drawled before taking another sip of his beer. “She was actually pouting when you ignored her.”

“Yeah, I saw that. Thing is, I gave her two weeks to give up that I don’t understand your silly American sayings crap. Either she really doesn’t get it, in which case, stop trying to use them–or she does understand and is trying to play some game. I don’t have time for those kinds of games. Especially not while trying to solve murders.”

Barbara Vicari lifted a fist towards him in camaraderie, which Tony punched with a nod. “Damn straight. It has been so annoying listening to the bullshit over the wall, let me tell you.”

“Vicari is right.” Luke Meskela scrubbed his frustration before continuing. “Also, how is she even on your team? Is that even legal?”

“Excellent question, Meskela, one I have put out there into the ether and am hoping for an answer back.” Tony paused once again as the waiter came over with their food. 

“Delores is going to work with Internal Affairs on the reports issue. However, the legal aspects have to be done in a different manner. Gibbs–look, I don’t know why the man can’t see past his dick with the director–” everyone at the table almost did a spit take at that. Tony making any statement against the Saint Bernard flavor that had run rampant through the community was astonishing. “I also can’t for the life of me understand why he treats every woman we come across as if they can do no wrong. First Abby, then Kate, and now Ziva. It’s ridiculous and harmful. 

“Anyway, Gibbs knows too many people between us and the SecNav. Also, there may be a problem there. We might have to go sideways to Morrow or the SecDef–who knows where this has to go. I am going to reach out to JAG, because at least they don’t kowtow to Gibbs’ cowboy nature.”

Meskela nodded. “Chegwidden is going to be furious once he hears about all of this.”

“Zedner, can you go around collecting the reports in the morning? Gibbs is going to be in a meeting with the director in MTAC, and the other two won’t get in until later. We were given permission for a late start, apparently.” Tony was looking at his phone. 

“Yeah, I’ll do that, and go give a personal report to Delores as well,” he offered. “Maybe we all should, those of us who have had run-ins and the like…” he trailed off. 

“Agreed.” Balboa put a hand up to stop Tony’s protest. “I know you want to protect us, but we have all had run-ins with McGee and Scuito, and with Kate when she was alive. Zedner will have plenty to hand to HR tomorrow, so some follow up will be necessary. It just needs to be spread out.”

~~

Rick pulled Tony aside once the others had left, not wanting him to leave for the night with any uncertainties. “Listen, you need to know that we all have your back. Wherever you go from here.”

“What do you mean?” Tony looked at him with hooded eyes. Tired eyes. 

“Tony, do you think that I don’t know–that we all don’t know that doing this means you might leave the agency?”

Tony looked down and stuffed his hands in his pockets. “I–fuck. I have no idea right now. At the moment, it’s sort of a waiting game. If this mess gets cleared up–people get cleared out–and a new director comes in and doesn’t try to scapegoat me, then yeah, I’ll stay.”

“But if it seems like it’s just going to be same shit, different director, you’re out?”

Tony huffed out a laugh, no humor anywhere to be found. “Yeah, basically.”

“I’m fairly sure half the agency would be right behind you, buddy.”

~~~

TBC